I don’t believe in the devil. Yes, I said it. Throw your bible at me if you wish. He’ s still just an excuse to me. An excuse not to accept the consequences of our own actions.
Pearl: There’s a dog across the street! GO AWAY BLACK DOG!
Me: Pearl hush.
Pearl: DAWG! BLACK! ACROSS THE STREET! DO SOMETHING!
Me: Pearl, he’s not even in our yard. Calm down.
Pearl: He’s PEEING! Oh my dawg! He’s peeing across the street and you’re just sitting there like you don’t have a care in the world. WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?
Me: Pearl, quit yelling at me. He’s not hurting anything.
Pearl: How can you say that? He has left pee mail everywhere. Quick! Get me some water! I gotta make more pee.
Me: You’re joking right?
Pearl: Does this look like my happy face? I’ve got lots of work to do now. The pee mail is all wrong.
*10 minutes later*
Pearl: So you see Officer, I obviously had no choice. My legs are only 4 inches long so it’s hard to pee that high. She could have easily helped with the pee mail but would she? NO! Besides, just look at my precious little paws. Do these look like the kind of paws that could have tied her shoe laces together and watched her drop like a rock? I THINK NOT! (You should paw print Jasper though. He has beady eyes.)
Therapy, medication, mountains of books and the brain still says “You have made an error. Errors are unacceptable. You have failed at this thing called life.” So, Mr. Shrink and the books he tells me to read say I’m supposed to stop believing the negative records that play in my head. My problem with that is the dang things are true. I make mistakes. Mistakes ARE unacceptable. You can say “I’m sorry” to a broken glass but you’re not going to be able to drink from it again.
Mr. Shrink’ words ring in my ears when he’s not even here. “What if your neighbor made an error? Would that be ok?” Of course I answer, my neighbor is human and humans make mistakes. I forgive them because they didn’t mean to do it.
“So, then did you mean to make a mistake?”
“Well, no…of course not but mistakes are unacceptable.”
Mr. Shrink facepalms.
“Hey Bobby Jack, I just kilt this here critter and I was a thinkin. It aint good enough to just eat the meat. Lets stuff this sucker and hang his head on the wall.”
How did Bobby Jack talk his wife into letting him do this? “Now Ethel, you know you’re meaner than an Ol’ snake and I just thought it be right nice to have a happy face in this house.”
I’m pretty sure it’s a requirement to keep dead things in the house when you live in Arkansas. It only turns strange when you start to dress them up. Ok, so Ted does enjoy his santa hat at Christmas and has been known to wear garland like a feather boa.
What are you doing? You’re reading this aren’t you. Someone will know. You’re such a rebel. Rule breaker! You might as well keep going now. I feel I must tell you though, these are minutes of your life that you can’t get back. Somewhere in your heart you just know there will be a life changing bit of knowledge in here. Your vested now. There is no turning back.
DON’T SCROLL DOWN! Didn’t think I would notice you skipping ahead? Seriously, can you just try to be good for once.
Ok, so here it is. Shame, failure, my little secret. I saw a post on facebook that said “If you love your Mother, share this post in 2 seconds.” I didn’t do it. I didn’t. I hesitated. Then I just didn’t do it. I know, how do I sleep at night? Yesterday I didn’t love Jesus in 10 seconds. How do I live with myself? How can I go on with this sham I’m living?
Will I burn in hell now? Is there hope for my recovery? I fear I may have crossed a line that I cannot return from. If you see my vacant soul roaming the streets please return it to my husband. He is hungry and out of clean undies now.
I took a nap today and had a daymare. (Well, it can’t be a nightmare at 2:00 in the afternoon now can it?) I was dreaming that I was at work and didn’t have enough Techs to cover all of the jobs that needed to be scheduled. I couldn’t figure out how I was going to juggle everybody without having an angry customer. Then I woke up in a cold sweat. I think I prefer nightmares. When you wake up from a nightmare you can be all “Whew, I was only dreaming.” Apparently daymares are full of reality.
Argh…. I feel like I’m herding dragonflies.
I know, put on my big girl panties and git er done.
I’m done whining now. Please resume your regularly scheduled kitten videos.
Good morning world. It’s a fabulous day and Pearl thinks we should go play. I’m a little leery since lately I can’t seem to step outside with causing injury to myself. I think I’ll cover myself in bubble wrap.
We are having our first “cool snap” of the year. Ok, so it’s going to be in the 80’s all week but that’s cool to me. I’ve opened up the house and time to get some cleaning done so I can go play. Y’all have a most fabulous day!
- A 9.5 foot kayak will fit in my car.
- Windshields’ don’t budge when shoving 9.5 foot kayaks in your car.
- Never listen to my husband.
Me: Do you think it’s safe to drive like this?
Husband: Why sure, you’ll just get a bit of wind that’s all.
Me: Ok, if you say so.
Husband: When you get home put mine in there too.
Husband: Really, it will fit.