I’m alive I promise. So, I went to the funny farm. Preferred death over life. Getting divorced, lost my job and my cat died. I quit my therapist and am at last looking towards the future. So, how was your December?
Life keeps going and I don’t want to die anymore. I’m broke.He took all the money and is screwing me royally but I don’t give a damn. I am living again.
Suicide did not claim me.
You can say you’re sorry but it will never be the same
Light shines through the sharp edges no matter how much glue you use.
Someone told me that this just makes me a Tiffany.
The same old clichés make me angry
They don’t work
I don’t believe in the devil. Yes, I said it. Throw your bible at me if you wish. He’ s still just an excuse to me. An excuse not to accept the consequences of our own actions.
Pearl: There’s a dog across the street! GO AWAY BLACK DOG!
Me: Pearl hush.
Pearl: DAWG! BLACK! ACROSS THE STREET! DO SOMETHING!
Me: Pearl, he’s not even in our yard. Calm down.
Pearl: He’s PEEING! Oh my dawg! He’s peeing across the street and you’re just sitting there like you don’t have a care in the world. WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?
Me: Pearl, quit yelling at me. He’s not hurting anything.
Pearl: How can you say that? He has left pee mail everywhere. Quick! Get me some water! I gotta make more pee.
Me: You’re joking right?
Pearl: Does this look like my happy face? I’ve got lots of work to do now. The pee mail is all wrong.
*10 minutes later*
Pearl: So you see Officer, I obviously had no choice. My legs are only 4 inches long so it’s hard to pee that high. She could have easily helped with the pee mail but would she? NO! Besides, just look at my precious little paws. Do these look like the kind of paws that could have tied her shoe laces together and watched her drop like a rock? I THINK NOT! (You should paw print Jasper though. He has beady eyes.)
Therapy, medication, mountains of books and the brain still says “You have made an error. Errors are unacceptable. You have failed at this thing called life.” So, Mr. Shrink and the books he tells me to read say I’m supposed to stop believing the negative records that play in my head. My problem with that is the dang things are true. I make mistakes. Mistakes ARE unacceptable. You can say “I’m sorry” to a broken glass but you’re not going to be able to drink from it again.
Mr. Shrink’ words ring in my ears when he’s not even here. “What if your neighbor made an error? Would that be ok?” Of course I answer, my neighbor is human and humans make mistakes. I forgive them because they didn’t mean to do it.
“So, then did you mean to make a mistake?”
“Well, no…of course not but mistakes are unacceptable.”
Mr. Shrink facepalms.
Meet Ted. E. Bear. He lives above my mantel with two of his friends. Do you ever wonder who the first guy was to stuff a dead animal and bring it in the house? How did that conversation even happen?
“Hey Bobby Jack, I just kilt this here critter and I was a thinkin. It aint good enough to just eat the meat. Lets stuff this sucker and hang his head on the wall.”
How did Bobby Jack talk his wife into letting him do this? “Now Ethel, you know you’re meaner than an Ol’ snake and I just thought it be right nice to have a happy face in this house.”
I’m pretty sure it’s a requirement to keep dead things in the house when you live in Arkansas. It only turns strange when you start to dress them up. Ok, so Ted does enjoy his santa hat at Christmas and has been known to wear garland like a feather boa.
Where do we go from here? Next thing you know we’ll be stuffin’ Uncle Earl and settin’ him at the dinner table.
What are you doing? You’re reading this aren’t you. Someone will know. You’re such a rebel. Rule breaker! You might as well keep going now. I feel I must tell you though, these are minutes of your life that you can’t get back. Somewhere in your heart you just know there will be a life changing bit of knowledge in here. Your vested now. There is no turning back.
DON’T SCROLL DOWN! Didn’t think I would notice you skipping ahead? Seriously, can you just try to be good for once.
Ok, so here it is. Shame, failure, my little secret. I saw a post on facebook that said “If you love your Mother, share this post in 2 seconds.” I didn’t do it. I didn’t. I hesitated. Then I just didn’t do it. I know, how do I sleep at night? Yesterday I didn’t love Jesus in 10 seconds. How do I live with myself? How can I go on with this sham I’m living?
Will I burn in hell now? Is there hope for my recovery? I fear I may have crossed a line that I cannot return from. If you see my vacant soul roaming the streets please return it to my husband. He is hungry and out of clean undies now.
It’s your last day on earth. How do you spend yours? I want to spend mine in a room full of puppies.
I took a nap today and had a daymare. (Well, it can’t be a nightmare at 2:00 in the afternoon now can it?) I was dreaming that I was at work and didn’t have enough Techs to cover all of the jobs that needed to be scheduled. I couldn’t figure out how I was going to juggle everybody without having an angry customer. Then I woke up in a cold sweat. I think I prefer nightmares. When you wake up from a nightmare you can be all “Whew, I was only dreaming.” Apparently daymares are full of reality.
Argh…. I feel like I’m herding dragonflies.
I know, put on my big girl panties and git er done.
I’m done whining now. Please resume your regularly scheduled kitten videos.